Friday, May 16, 2008

I'M MOVING OUT

This blog is gone for good, although I'm not deleting it. I just feel the need for something new.

Anyways, I moved HERE. Hope to see you there.

posted by Dexter @ 2:26 PM Comments: 0

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Polarities

She wanted none of that. As far as she was concerned, the deal was finally done – convinced that it was all that she ever wanted.

“Simple lang,” she recalled to me. “Hindi ko gusto ang glamurosang buhay.”

It was hard to believe that, knowing she had consistently aced five straight terms. She needed to endure four more, of course, but she was quite easily set for anything she wanted – earn dollars, live abroad, or simply stay here, work at a famous telecommunications company, or, barring that, a local TV station.

“Maraming papatay para umabot sa posisyon mo ngayon. Ano ‘yun, pagkatapos mong mag-aral, magbubukid ka lang?” I challenged, partially in jest.

She grinned. “Gusto ko ‘yun dati, kaso sayang naman, ‘di ba? Pero ‘yun nga – ‘yung hindi mayaman para ‘di masalimuot ang buhay.”

It often comes misconstrued, but it was always how much that mattered more. It was never a matter of if we were; it was always where we were – and we’re here for sure, although where exactly remains as open-ended as ever. Maybe, it’s the gravity of its improbability seeping through – knowing that we are forever to trudge on striving for which that they say could never be achieved. Then again, it’s supposed to be the challenge that keeps you going.

You’re supposed to learn something after all. There’s the chance that things get messier, but then, things get settled anyway. It’s simply a matter of time when you feel you could just stand still and watch everything fly by. She’s found that moment, at least, and a semblance of happiness and fulfillment beyond which she no longer yearns for. I’ve personally wondered how anyone could be as contented with that, while I find something that’s decidedly scary about the unknowable. And yet there’s that and there's happiness. Granted, we’ve strained too much of ourselves to be where we are now, you simply can’t contend with that feeling, despite knowing you’re seeing something good go to waste. At least she knows what she wants; there’s something I haven’t achieved myself.

And for everything else, there’s doubt and the people who talk about the future; those who get thrilled, the ones who get scared, and others who don’t give anything at all. But always, always, it’s the people who know what they want and believe in it who ultimately succeed.

posted by Dexter @ 8:24 PM Comments: 0

Friday, May 02, 2008

Lick Those Lips

He never wonders what happens now. Maybe he never cares. He’s changed, they say, as though he’s become a bit more forgiving. Gone were the days he’d look for something that wasn’t there. Instead, he stayed with the thing that matters the most - his happiness.

He was spontaneous now, somewhat unpredictable, even. Not so long ago, he decided to take a leap of faith and shared himself to someone he didn’t know. Small talk, he considered. He contended with his own reservations, still, but he tried to make it work. Eventually, he formed a bond.

It wasn’t surprising that he decided to stick to that resolve. He realized then that there will always be a place for the thing they call small talk; no longer keeps to himself nor thinks that conversations always had to be intellectual, lest he becomes marooned in his own solitary dimension with nothing to talk to, or talk about. It doesn’t matter if he had to talk about David Archuleta, else explain microcontroller programming to someone he never knew. In a lot of ways, it was different now, and, yes, he’s changed. He was no longer alone. This was where he was.

He never wonders what happens now. That it’s been said it bordered on desperation never bothers him anymore. He wasn’t sure what he found, but he was happy; and that was all that mattered.

posted by Dexter @ 12:35 PM Comments: 2