Tabula Rasa

Sidewalk

Maybe, happiness never really had anything to do with others after all, and we were meant to be alone... Maybe, being happy simply meant that you were cool with who you really are, regardless of what others say and think about you... Maybe, the essence of our very lives is simply appreciating life for what it really is... Maybe, we were never meant to love everyone we meet... Maybe, it is simply giving respect where it's due... Maybe, we were never really meant to take crap from anyone... Maybe, it is seeing beyond the imperfections, but knowing that they're still there...

Or maybe, just maybe, solitude is happiness... Maybe this side of the sidewalk is my paradise..

The view from this side has been spectacular thus far. There are a lot of things to be happy about, and indeed I am happy... Everyday, I wake up to a new morning, but I've never lost the reason to smile for the same sun that shines for me, the same wind that calms me, the same birds that sing for me... It IS a wonderful world...

Yet, somehow, the crowd daunts me... I fear them... I fear totally losing myself... Maybe, this fear is unfounded, unfounded as for someone who has been reborn... But with the self same freedom by which I have chosen to live again, I think it's best for now to just watch them from afar... It is a choice that I do not think by any means I will regret...

Live and let live, I suppose... As a great mentor of mine once said, "Neither be attached nor detached, but rather be non-attached... Let the emotions rise, watch them, and then let them go" I intend to take that lesson by heart...

To be honest, so far, there has been minimal success.. I've tripped, I've stumbled, and I've fallen, and all this after my emotions were all riled up.. And yet, for someone who has just begun to take this road, I have high hopes... I have reason to believe that life is a continuous process of living, dying, and living again... Maybe, a phoenix's beauty comes not from just being reborn once, but from being reborn hundreds of times...

We are all phoenixes, waiting to be reborn...

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School has been great so far... Currently in the "live and let live" mantra.... We've been given quite a load of lectures and materials to read right off the bat, which, is rather uncharacteristic of our profs... But we-ell there we are... We're dealing with the big guns now, the top salt.. the thing that would actually define who we are... We have five, yes five, majors this sem... Four units of electric circuits, four on electronic devices and circuit design, three units on differential equations, two on statistics, and three on thermodynamics... We have two minors too, three units of taxation and agrarian reform, and three units of english... Can't say I'm not daunted... I'd have to say I'm genuinely scared, and I suppose, all fired up to do my best... and not "best" as in having a 1.25 grade or flat one or being a dean's lister... I realized that having grades like that don't mean anything for me... Because I got 1.25 in both integral calculus and physics last sem but I've completely forgotten everything from then!!! Which is why I'm more concerned this time to really LEARN something, and not only LEARN but RETAIN what I've learned... Which, admittedly, is going to be a pretty darned tall order... BUT I can do it... I WILL do it... (all psyched up!)

That is why, contrary to what I've promised, I'm probably not going to be able to update as much as I initially said... In fact, this may very well be, the last post in quite a short while... I do promise to come back this October to tell you everything, but as to what would go on in between June and October, I can't say for sure... However, rest assured that I'll still be online and available for IM every Saturday and Sunday afternoons and Monday evenings... Just ping me even though you don't see me, cos chances are, I'm just invisible... ^^ and for those who would care, I'm at our university's Central Library every Thursday from 12 noon to about 1:30pm at the second floor, just in case you happen to need to see me personally... ^^

As for anything else, I'll keep you posted when I do find the time to do so...

Til then.. Cheers! Solo Dios Basta! ^^

posted by Dexter @ 8:55 PM Comments: 0

Legends

I've always said that I've been through a lot... that I've been through hell, back, and maybe even back again... but that day... that day was like nothing I've ever seen before...

It's been almost a year to the date, but I could still remember it vividly... Jets crisscrossed in the sky, their engines roaring loudly as they whooshed by, and their figures casting silhouettes in the orange sky... For a moment, it was somewhat beautiful, even majestic, as they slowly disappeared into the distance... then...

BOOM!

The airport was bombed...

BOOM!

What took a year or so for a lot of hardworking people to build took just ten seconds to come crashing and crumbling down...

Amidst the bombings, faint gunshots could also be heard...

and then...

plain, crisp silence...

And as the skies exchanged its cloak of orange and red for one of purple and black, I could still see orange flickers from where the bombings had taken place...

but I wasn't there... nor did I give it much thought back then... I was arrogant and egocentric.. It was only last night as I watched the documentary about it did tears slowly began to trickle down my face... It changed my life forever...

For it broke my heart... no... it crushed me... and there was just this undeniable sadness that pervaded every fiber of my being... for it is a fate that I'd never even dream to wish on my enemy... It was a fate that nobody deserves...

and I realize now how lucky I am, how selfish I truly was to always think about what I felt, and what others did to me... I realize now that life has truly been gracious to me all these years; and I just can't even begin to comprehend what I was bitching about all these years... Because it could have been me... Yes I could say I could have been born in a better place, in a better time, but my life certainly could have been a lot worse... I could have been born in Lebanon, or Iraq, or South Africa, where lives were lost to war, to drought, to famine, to sickness... But I am here... and it may not be the best, but I go to school, I eat three square meals a day, I have people who love me... The simple truth that I wake up everyday to a new morning, able to fulfill my dreams, and share myself with others, when others cannot... The simple fact that the people who lost their lives would have given everything to stay alive, to be in my place... The fact that they would probably have made this world a much better place to live in... It certainly is enough to smile everyday, to celebrate and be thankful for...

I have rarely been so emotional, so worked up, so sentimental, but every bit of reality just seemed to come crashing down on me... the reality that it could have been me- the one who experienced all the uncertainty, the doubts of "will I still be alive tomorrow?", or "will I have the opportunity to thank the people that I love?"... the reality that I am not the only person in this world that I have the slightest of right to bicker and whine about every little thing that doesn't go my way... the reality that a lot of people have really been through hell and back a million times... and they never complained...

The choice to be happy has always been mine; the choice to make my life a fairy tale with a happy ending... and I guess I could choose to stay on the road that I took, weigh down the world with hatred and pessimism, and continue looking at the world through the eyes of a cynic... But I think that it's finally time to be reborn, time to look at the world from the other side, through the eyes, this time, of a passionate and happy heart, and in the grace and mercy of the Lord, our God...

Life is what you make of it.. and I'm going to make mine a blessing...

God is great... Cheers everyone...

posted by Dexter @ 2:49 PM Comments: 0

Return

Well wouldn't you know it? Guess who's back? ^^ I suppose I couldn't leave after all... Writing has, and always will be my passion.. ^^ Be updating real soon... God bless ^^

posted by Dexter @ 1:53 PM Comments: 0