The Way We Were
She
loved me, she said... Back then, I loved her, too... But things were different now... Fear had killed me... Maybe, there was something else before... But whatever that was remained, and now belonged, to the past... Feelings have been left unspoken for too long, that, my heart, as much as hers, have tired, and numbed...
For now that I think about it, I can't call it love; at least, not anymore... And I know, she feels the same way... Our confessions now did not mean that she still loved me, and I, her... They meant that we have gotten over each other, our presents overriding our guilty minds, and thus purged us of the burden of keeping our emotions to ourselves... We were no longer guilty, to say that we had loved, nor much less afraid, to be rejected... But I was reacquainted with familiar emotions, and it has been so long, that I have forgotten how it felt like when my heart raced every time she looks, and smiles at me; and how it feels to be yanked out by someone out of your egotistical and arrogant self, and love...
Maybe I could have said other things back then, and maybe had that piece of possibility turned into something real, I would be here, before you, writing of other things... And yet, although that regret will give something to do, and something to think about, we know, that it will get me nowhere.. I take solace in the fact that somewhere else, in a place where I was me, but I was not myself, in a parallel world much like our own, things were different... In that world, I loved her, and she loved me too, and we were not afraid to say it when our emotions were something real, and not when they were gone...
Cheerios everyone.. ^^
Random Fandom
Meh... Just a string of random fandom stuff that I've come to realize over these past few days... Currently working on a whopper post for this December, and I've managed to come through quite well...
Things are unbelievably getting crazier... School life's getting crazier... Quizzes and assignments here, there and everywhere.. Mech's fun though... I'm finally understanding FBD's... AMaths and EE's good too... We don't have any reference materials so I'm forced to listen (but I've resolved to listen anyways)... The only thing that needs more poring over is ECE, because examples are truly limited, and the book becomes a welcome ally...
As soon as I've stopped harboring grudges, things have turned out for the better... I've realized how shallow I really was for getting fussy over things... But then again, I'd give myself a few more days and I'll prolly get mad all over again... But so far, I've become more understanding if you will, and aware of the merits of symbiosis... It's certainly a step up from the hermit within me... The machine has been suppressed..
And I'm falling in love....
Cheers!! Viva la raza!!
C'est La Vie
She loved me, she said... But between me and the years that whooshed by, I never got the guts to confess any of my feelings ever again... I was afraid, afraid to be shunned and separated from one whom I loved... In some ways, it was the better thing to do... And yet, now, I could have wished I told her too, for better things could have turned out...
Life's sometimes funny... It saps you off of courage amidst all those unrequited years, and suddenly throws a bomb right in your lap, in the form of a message saying how she had felt... But too late...
C'est la vie...
Lessons
Ngayon ko nare-
realize, totoo, wala nga sa
grade ang lahat... Wala yan sa dami ng mga unong nahakot mo noon, o sa mga
perfect quizzes na nakuha mo ngayon... Siguro, makakakuha ka nga ng mataas na posisyon pagkakuha mo ng trabaho, pero kinalaunan, lalabas at lalabas rin kung ano ka talaga... At iyon ang papatay sa'yo...
Hindi nga batayan ang mga
grades sa kung ano ang tao at kung ano ang nalalaman niya... Mas lalong hindi nito nasusukat
just what stuff you're made of... Mas importante nga ang puso kaysa talino... Tulad na rin ng nasabi ko noong isang araw,
it's how much heart you put in the doing that matters...Hindi ito
excuse, at mas lalong hindi ko sinasabing hindi mahalaga ang
grades. Pero
life's greatest lessons don't come from books... Totoo iyon...
Random Things
As I sit here idly, waiting for Trillian to finish downloading, and taking a much needed break from all the mindless reading and highlighting of the salient points of our constitution, I just can't help but blog... I'm a writer too remember?? :))
Sighs... It's just the second week, but gawd, things are smokin'!! Assignments are starting to build up, much to my pleasure so far, but I know eventually things will get to me too... As a matter of fact, I still have two hundred thirteen pages more to highlight on our constitution, and I still have ECE and Mech... Yeehaw!!
School hasn't been the only thing in my life that's getting shaken up... There's been an air of misunderstandings around me lately, one of which involved one of my closer friends, another a former love interest, and another a not-so-close acquaintance... In more ways than one, my patience and ultimately, my resolve, is being put to the test...
And then, there was this contest... To keep it straight, I
was supposed to have joined that quizbee, but it was on subjects on my previous term -- the term that I was like flunking all around, and I just thought I was not up to the job... I kinda feel like I've disappointed some of my peers by chickening out at the last moment, but... sighs... This, and the disappointment of another close friend from high school... Sometimes, I just do not know how to cope up... That disappointment of a high school friend has particularly hit me hard though.. She wasn't returning any calls or instant messages, which is like a huge WARNING sign... Add that to the fact that this was my strike two, and hooboy...
Of course, life hasn't been all that bad... I've met a hottie in a seminar I've been to just yesterday, and gawd, she was like... I don't know.. Hahahah... Words just fail me at a time like this... Hehehe...
Yey! Trillian finally finished! :D Gotta get back to work and/or sleep (optional) :P
Cheerios everyone :D
Cuesticks and Classes
This is just another perfect example of rationalizing:
We all need a break from the hassles of everyday living... Clearly, MMO's were not the answer to that, as I had proven after sessions upon sessions of sore butts and cramming... For crying out loud, I almost failed because of playing them!! The problem with online gaming, and general computer and console gaming, for that matter, was that it is not produtive... You kill so and so monster, get experience, level up and that was it... And what after that? Nothing...
I just thought it was time to take on a more productive hobby... One that would keep me sane through the crazy world... I mean, books day in and day out for everyday of your student life is like, as a song went, "suicidal... suicidal..." :P
So here I am, studying pool stances, grips, strokes, aiming, and what not... Yes... I decided to wield the powerful cue stick once again!! :)) Hello pool world!!!
End of Rationalization!
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Meh.. Nothing really new... I
was supposed to play the part of the Mayor of Townsville in the variety show, but after much deliberation, I really did not think I looked anywhere near him, so I scrapped the idea... Despite that, the week still somehow promises to be one heck of a truck load as it assumes one with so much activities and preparations.. In fact, I have no way to go to the contest of a dear friend as all hands shall be on deck for this week... If you are reading this, I'm really terribly sorry...
Professors all seem to be okay... And subjects which I have unintentionally, or otherwise, failed to concentrate on (aka neglected) the last few semesters have made comebacks as if to redeem me (Physics 1 by Sir Lopez, Differential Equations by Sir Viloria and ECE 1 by Sir Weng come to mind)... But seriously, I am quite relieved that I have some chance of redemption, because I really thought that lost the opportunity to learn what has to be learned... It's just too bad that Sir Vicerra arranged the class alphabetically, which meant that having bad eyesight, and the letter T for the first letter of your surname, equated to a death sentence.. Still, I promise to do some reading on Boylestad to compensate...
Anyhoo, still have some things to do for class... Just took a much needed break (I wish we had a pool table ) :P
Cheerios everyone :D
Heart of Stone
It was, as it were, the rise of the machines; and that was, the machine within me... There really is nothing like dropping a bomb to remind
her that
she really did not know what
she was dealing with, and just what
she had lost... Whatever doubt, or uncertainty had crossed through my consciousness a few days back had since been utterly obliterated.. And it feels good...
One thing I realized today, as I pondered quietly while I walked my way home, was that it wasn't the people who we loved that had the capacity to hurt us.. Rather, it is the individual himself... Even if people talked crap or whatever, we cannot be affected if we never allowed it... Remember the famous line? "Nobody can hurt you without your consent." It could not have been better said...
One thing that my two mentors, Sir Mark and Sir Bruce always tried to instill upon me, was to always keep your emotions in check... They said that human emotions are both our greatest assets and liabilities... When we allow them to get out of hand, we can get dangerous... I just think it was time to cast my heart with stone, unfeeling for the negative, and appreciative of the positive... And I quote Sir Bruce, "Do not be attached, nor detached.. But rather be non-attached..."
For whatever it was worth, I have let go of all the anger that erupted within me.. For it was time... There was no point in getting angry at that, because by doing so, I only make
her feel that
she was important... And
she was not...
It is said, count your blessings... And that I'll do... Because there's just a whole looooot more people who deserve my time and appreciation than some punked-up-princess-wanna-be...
Hahahaha... So much for someone who wanted to keep his emotions in check... :p
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DETAILED HORRORSCOPE YESTERDAY:
ARIES:
Minsan, kung magsalita ang tao, akala mo, sila lang ang marunong masaktan... na sila lang ang marunong magsakripisyo... Samantalang pare-pareho lang naman ang binubuhos nating panahon at paghihirap... Nababawasan ang oras namin, KO, para sa ibang commitments, na kung tutuusin, hindi hamak na mas importante sa akin kaysa sa iyo... Ano ang gusto mo? Mag-fe-fetch ng stick para sa iyo, and roll over like a dog for you? Sambahin ka namin dahil iyon ang gusto mo? Cut us some slack naman... Sino nga ba sa atin ang may karapatang ma-disappointed?___________________________________________________________________
DETAILED HOROSCOPE TODAY:
LIBRA:
Last time mo nang magagalit ngayong gabi... Pagkatapos nun, wala na... You're calmer, more solemn, and definitely more focused... Count your blessings... Huwag mong sirain ang buhay mo sa galit at inis, dahil mas marami pang importanteng bagay kaysa sa mga taong hindi marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob... Do not brood over just one person... Marami ka pa ring TOTOONG kaibigang nakaalalay sa iyo... Marami pang dahilan para ngumiti.. ^^
Cheerios everyone! A new Dexter is born! :D
Tagtuyot
Hahaha nagiging madada na ko, palatandaang nagiging anxious na ko para sa nalalapit na pagbubukas ng klase... Excited na ako, pero kahit na alam kong focused ako, alam ko ring iba talaga kapag alam mong hindi mo na mapipigil pa ang panahon kapag nagsimula na ang lahat... Handa na nga ba talaga ako?
Isang bangungot ang nakalipas na semestre... Tulad nga ng nasabi ko sa isa kong kaibigan, parang nakaranas kaming lahat, lalo na ako, ng tila isang tagtuyot, na para bang kahit na alam mong binibigay mo na nga ang lahat, parang kulang pa rin at hindi umaabot ang grades mo sa passing... Sana, sana nga, hindi na mangyari ulit iyon...
Hahahah pagpasensyahan niyo na kung laging paputol putol ang mga posts ko... Hindi lang talaga masyadong organisado ang aking isip ngayon...
Hanggang sa muli! Cheerios! :D
Start of School
In a lot of ways, I felt as though I had failed... It felt as if, even though I had passed, it was simply because luck had been on my side... Would lightning strike twice if I had done what I had again??
It just wouldn't cut it anymore... Things had to change;
I had to change....
But the problem was simple... Me...
I always resolve to do better at the start of every semester and yet I always bumble during the run... Guess you'd call it ningas kugon...
Sighs... Just a trend that I started to notice... A bit mad at myself really...
School starts in three days, six hours and forty seven minutes.... I really hope I can stay focused this time... God be with me...
Cheerios everyone.. :D
Change
At the end of the day, I was convinced, that whatever change I had gone through a few months back, was, and definitely had been for the better..
It was funny, in that the popular choices do not always necessarily constitute the correct ones... To be honest about it, in fact, the choices that almost everyone agrees upon is usually the one that is will lead you to evil..
Somehow, I was reassured that the resolutions that I had made during the course of this break will be as well... At least I'll hope so...
Short but sweet...
Cheerios everyone... A happy Halloween to you all.. ^^
