Polarities
She wanted none of that. As far as she was concerned, the deal was finally done – convinced that it was all that she ever wanted.
“Simple lang,” she recalled to me. “Hindi ko gusto ang glamurosang buhay.”
It was hard to believe that, knowing she had consistently aced five straight terms. She needed to endure four more, of course, but she was quite easily set for anything she wanted – earn dollars, live abroad, or simply stay here, work at a famous telecommunications company, or, barring that, a local TV station.
“Maraming papatay para umabot sa posisyon mo ngayon. Ano ‘yun, pagkatapos mong mag-aral, magbubukid ka lang?” I challenged, partially in jest.
She grinned. “Gusto ko ‘yun dati, kaso sayang naman, ‘di ba? Pero ‘yun nga – ‘yung hindi mayaman para ‘di masalimuot ang buhay.”
It often comes misconstrued, but it was always how much that mattered more. It was never a matter of if we were; it was always where we were – and we’re here for sure, although where exactly remains as open-ended as ever. Maybe, it’s the gravity of its improbability seeping through – knowing that we are forever to trudge on striving for which that they say could never be achieved. Then again, it’s supposed to be the challenge that keeps you going.
You’re supposed to learn something after all. There’s the chance that things get messier, but then, things get settled anyway. It’s simply a matter of time when you feel you could just stand still and watch everything fly by. She’s found that moment, at least, and a semblance of happiness and fulfillment beyond which she no longer yearns for. I’ve personally wondered how anyone could be as contented with that, while I find something that’s decidedly scary about the unknowable. And yet there’s that and there's happiness. Granted, we’ve strained too much of ourselves to be where we are now, you simply can’t contend with that feeling, despite knowing you’re seeing something good go to waste. At least she knows what she wants; there’s something I haven’t achieved myself.
And for everything else, there’s doubt and the people who talk about the future; those who get thrilled, the ones who get scared, and others who don’t give anything at all. But always, always, it’s the people who know what they want and believe in it who ultimately succeed.
posted by Dexter @ 8:24 PM
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