Somewhere between gone and goodbye
We were neither where we should be nor there where we want to be, but we were packing our bags all the same, knowing our lives were really just a full stretch of road ahead that neither of us were going to be a part of anymore.It was three days away from midnight, and the flowers were wilting, and the little bottle was collecting dust upon the shelves. It was something I should have given her four days ago, but I guess some things were just more important than she was. I could only sit now and watch other people carry flowers on the way to school on one hand, and a box of sweets on the other, knowing it was something I should have been doing myself.
But it was over; or perhaps, we've simply snapped out of the disillusionment that it had even begun, for it never did. From the outside looking in, we were just people who happened to be there at the right place, at the right time, that there was nothing more than a favor I've delivered in return.
I've seen where I disagree with other people about decisions - from Zette's oft-too-yucky optimism as opposed to my usual cutthroat cynicism; to Kanny - definitely the last person on earth I expected to talk to about it - and her saying that my sweetness may yet make her change her mind about leaving, airport scene and all in impeccable slash Hollywood fashion; to Kev, who was most probably ready to bite my head off from the get-go; to James making the most sense - Kung gusto, maraming paraan; kung ayaw, maraming dahilan; and finally to J.L. who shared similar sentiments.
But ultimately, whichever way other people may put it, calling it off was the right thing to do, simply because we find the only people capable of defining the subtle degradations of the ethics and principles by which we root our identities and decisions upon are, after all, ourselves. There was no leaving things to fate, to rationalizing about not having control over whatever. We need to do what we need to do, with what we think is right, and we have to be okay with that.
I guess there's no denying, despite the differences we had, was that it was really a sad story that ended up in the estrangement of one party from the other, which, I might add, should never have happened from the start; but we have to move on. There's only so much left to ponder about even as Somewhere Down the Road plays one more time.
posted by Dexter @ 4:05 PM
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