The Other Side
We shared one, and only one thing; and that was the desire - the passion, if you may - to succeed. Other than that, similarities fall apart, and we were, well, as worlds away as one may even want to imagine.When the chips were finally down - like now, for example - we find ourselves in hostile, but otherwise, silent, dialogue. He usually won out.
So, all the while, I had one foot in that proverbial grave, as much as I thought everyone else's was. We never really seemed to make much way after all, malls and Baguio and all that. It became my job to yap and brood and nag and yap some more, Jo becoming the usual confidant and almost everyone else becoming the receiving end of my complaints. No one was online - either they were elsewhere, in a mall, or a party, or both - effectively neglecting their end of the bargain - or they were home, online but invisible - not wanting to admit they have absolutely forgotten doing what they had to do.
It was a progressive system after all - failing to submit the tentative proposal this Saturday meant surely taking summer classes, and that was a very unattractive prospect. Flunking a course, specially a major, never became part of my agenda, nor probably in anyone's for that matter. I wanted things to get done, and I wanted in.
But people do step up when you least expect them; and he was right all along. Maika chipped in, while James refined the equalizer schematics she sent; I've done the PSU since last week, and tomorrow's judgment day prematurely. There was still a lot to do for Saturday - the designs needed to be refined, more values needed to be plugged in, and ever more computations needed to be carried out - but we have made some headway, at least, and we now have some ground to work with. It still is highly questionable what the others did - there were eleven of us in the group, by the way - but at least, I think we'll survive until the 25th, where I start to yap all over again.
"It's all about trust," he says.
But trust has never been one of my stronger suits. All along, it has always been his. He believed that things will fall into their places eventually, patiently while I was this impulsive, impatient mojo. He trusted; I yakked. He was the nice guy; I was the not-so-nice guy. Me and him? Two sides of the same coin. Get the picture?
And, yes; he WAS me, he IS me - the other, better side, who has long since been suppressed by the evil that has surely manifested itself as people now recognized me to be. Partially, of course. It would be more than futile to deny that he will always exist, as much as I would, no matter what. We were, after all, counterweights to each other. He is me, and I am him. It IS time, though, to tilt the scales the other way.
And no, I have my eccentricities - and this may very well be one of them - but I don't suffer from anything psychological, thank you very much.
Still, why do I get the feeling as though I'm falsely reassured?
There I go again.
posted by Dexter @ 5:38 PM
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