Retribution
I've always thought it was prejudice -- sheer, plain, and simple. I'll never forget how I used to make faces everytime mum and dad reminded me that Filipinos were not to be trusted, befriended, or even dealt with at all. "the day will come, don't worry.. that day will come," said they when I happened to be particulary audacious as to showing them that I don't agree at all. Guess I've always been that arrogant, dismissing their experiences as seniors for what I'd like to call as "know-it-all-ness". Evil guy, I was. Guess that has earned me another opportunity to eat my words -- and I've never been good at eating my words, mind you, as I'm always reminded of the first scrambled eggs I cooked as a kid (note: it had the shells with it -- Grodd say it taste bad), but ces' t la vie. Can't say I don't deserve it.You see, I've always believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, this is the very reason why I've displayed that certain air of defiance to them. (Yeah maybe you'll say it's just an excuse, and a very lame one I might add, but you see, if I really wanted to justify myself for what I did, then I wouldn't be here telling you I was wrong, but whatever).
You see, I'm not exactly much of the "socially-inclined" people out there who befriends everyone and everyone else's cousin, but I can tell you, I've always showed each and every one the respect that they deserve, just for being what they are. I have mentioned in one of my older posts (it's very very old so chances are, you won't remember it at all) that I believed everyone has their own strengths, and as such, I hardly disrespected anyone because I know I'm not even half as great as anyone else. And fact is, I've always tried to establish that standpoint wherever I went. I guess my four-year stay in CKSC is, as it is, a testimony to that, as I hardly earned myself any enemies there (except for a specific quasar who I have also learned to forgive and mostly forget over time) and whatever the circumstance, I've always tried to be humble (and yeah I've said in the previous paragraph that I was arrogant -- make up your mind?? ).
So I guess with all that being said, I suppose it is but fair that I expect the same amount of respect as I give them.
I've been a fool -- a fool to believe in so-called good faith, but you see, such a thing no longer exists, that is, if it ever did. People only ever know you if they can use you. Perhaps I am just weighed down by a heavy dose of pessimism with the world, but quite frankly, I have proven it time and time again. It's sad but then again, it's true.
And Filipinos?? They are not just painters of the image of the world that I perceive as of late, in fact they are the images themselves. It is they who repay kindness with disdain for your dignity, and respect with arrogance. And quite frankly, I know I had my share of forgiving them. I have dismissed a lot of cheap shots as jokes over the course of three terms. But, as all humans do, I have had enough of it. In fact, I daresay my mentor Bruce would have reacted the same way as I did.
It's sad that it is so close to Christmas, a day when the greatest gift we can give to our enemy is forgiveness. But sadly, it could not be helped. And yes, I, myself have offended others, and for the record, I know I have a lot to answer to when I meet our Creator, but.... sigh... I am a human being after all, and as such, I sometimes let my emotions get the better of my rationality. This is sadly one of those times. And while I do believe that the problem with an eye for an eye is that everybody would end up blind, I think I know myself enough to know that this is well beneath me, so I'm willing to take my chances and let the chips fall where they may.
I wish everyone a happier Christmas, at least happier than mine. God keep everyone.
posted by Dexter @ 1:11 PM
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