Tabula Rasa
So where did we all stand now? Or perhaps, yet, where did I? Do I say how far away I've come from home, or by how much I've done of what? Or maybe is it just how much I have lost to meet an end, or by what I have simply gained?And yet, we know, that even as we define the yardsticks by which we think we measure the things that close and fill the empty voids in our lives, we all will concede, eventually, surely, that it was still hard to say.
It was the end of another year, and things are different now. And though it ends as much as usual with a bigger waistline and the inevitable Auld Lang Syne, we find that while cruder years meant - at least for me - more brooding time as though the rest of the year were not enough, dramatic exits and speeches are likewise - at least while the time calls for us to be introspective, or to be more introspective than usual on a personal note- slowly beginning to become inescapable as well.
There is, I suppose, something sincere with how ways give way to other ways, and things to other things, and yet still be etched and engraved in our minds and in our hearts for years and years to come. And so, while things have changed only for the umpteenth time, we find that the more things change, the more they really tend to stay the same. Inasmuch as we have strayed too long or perhaps too far away from home, we know that there will always be a place and a time where we can always look back to and remember with fondness.
I have had a few epiphanies in my life. There were times, I admit, where I was simply overwhelmed with how I represent but a mere and utter dot in the vast infinity that we call time and space. Being where I was made me wonder why I was there. And not unlike any paradox, as counter intuitive as it may seem, the more we learned, the less we really knew.
And yet despite these uncertainties that are as much a part of the road as the road itself, we find that there are risks worth taking, ideals worth proving, and a love worth fighting for. There will always be chance conversations we had to make, smiles we had to give, and dreams we had to share. Sometimes, through gritted teeth and all, we had to do what we had to do; sometimes, still, we had to take a step back to move forward. In the end, we are, I found out, our own destinies, our weaknesses, our fortresses, our enemies.
So where exactly did I stand now? Quite honestly, I do not know. All I know is that there will always be heartbreaks and triumphs along the way, and that somewhere down the road, we will always be reminded what it means to fail, to try, to succeed; to love, be loved or simply not at all. We will find that patience was not a virtue - for it was the only virtue; that there will be times when things will eventually fall into the right place at the right time, times when you have to make them, and times when it was simply not meant... that there will be times when it was better to be alone, and times when it was better to share a story or two, or ten, or more... and that, most of all, in the end, we get what we deserve, by how much love and how much time we put in the doing...
It would take more than just a while to say all the things that I am, and the things that I'm not. But ultimately, I will always be a traveler, filling the empty spaces in my soul with moments and memories from other travelers as myself; and waiting, of course, for the other traveler who will make my journey that much more special.
And as I pack my bags to go on my way, I know, that as much as things may change, and even though I may never come back, I will simply never forget this road; not now, not ever.
posted by Dexter @ 5:36 PM
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